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  Pax saw a single tear run down Amara’s face and it snapped her out of her guilt and anger. She put her arms around the blonde woman and held her close, ignoring that she was naked. Amara leaned against Pax’s shoulder and let the tears fall freely.

  Chapter 2: Neither, yet Both

  “This is why we made that pact,” Thornton was saying as he crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back in his chair. “Family was supposed to be off limits.” It was very rare that his friend came to visit him during his office hours.

  “I know,” Asher said, “but you broke that pact before I did. Way before I did, man.”

  “And that makes this fine? She’s my baby sister,” Thornton said. He rose to his feet and slammed the palms of his hands down onto the mahogany desk. “You promised you wouldn’t hurt her.”

  “Come on, buddy. You really want to get into this with me? You really want to talk about hurting someone, because I can dig up some real sweet-smellin’ shit…”

  “No. Just explain yourself.”

  Asher laughed bashfully, reaching up to scratch above his ear. “You know how it is. Mara was great, but I don’t think I was ready for the kind of commitment she expected. I was starting to feel real old. I couldn’t stand the marriage hints. I shouldn’t have to explain this to you, man. Look at what you’ve…”

  “Well, why shouldn’t you have married my sister? You’ve been with her for over five years and things seemed to be going swell.” Thornton reached up to rip his glasses away from his face and began to polish them nervously.

  “I don’t know,” Asher shrugged. “I guess when I saw that you were free and living the life again I felt jealous. I know that we’re not kids, but I still feel young and… I want things to be like they used to be. Fun and no-strings. I want to party with you.”

  “Don't blame this on me!” shouted Thornton. His mahogany desk drifted a few inches off the floor. “I’m not ‘living the life,’ Ash. I’m trying my best to stay sane. My company is falling apart, and I am up to my neck in friggin’ lawsuits here. If I go out clubbing at night to blow off some steam, it doesn’t mean I’m reliving the glory of my college days. It means I’m working my ass off and going fucking insane!”

  Asher pointed at the desk with two fingers and forced it back down to the ground. “Relax, Thorn. Look, I know running Kalgren Tech isn’t easy, but you gotta keep your cool if you want to keep the building standing, okay?”

  Thornton lifted his hands in apology. “Sorry. I just—I know that Mara really loves you. She used to scribble your name in her notebooks when she was a little kid.” The businessman slid his glasses back onto his nose with a sigh. “I told her that she was dumb and you were a jerk, but would she listen?”

  “Do you really wanna go there?” Asher asked. “Because if we start talking about Paxie…”

  “No. Don’t even say her name,” Thornton said, sitting down abruptly. He groaned and rested his elbows on his desk, shoving his head into his hands and beginning to aggressively knead his temples. “I made some major mistakes recently. I have royally screwed myself beyond the point of unscrewing. But you didn’t have to follow my example. You could have been better than me, Ash.”

  “When in our entire lives have I ever been better than you?” Asher sent his friend a gloomy grin. “Face it, Thorn. In every test I aced, you scored a little higher. In every race we ran, you timed a little faster. I’ve always been the shadow and the sidekick. You’re the big time CEO, and I’m your unemployed best friend. Got me a few nifty superpowers, but still. Never gonna be the bigger man.”

  Thornton glanced up in disbelief. “So if I accidentally happen to act like the world’s greatest asshole…”

  “It is my time-honored duty to intentionally be the world’s second greatest asshole,” Asher joked. Seeing the lines around Thornton’s eyes soften, he continued to push his luck. “We made another pact when we were kids, remember? We said we’d never let a woman come between us.” When his friend nodded, he declared with emphasis, “Bros before hoes!”

  Thornton looked up with his blue eyes suddenly stormy. “You’re talking about my sister, man.”

  “Yeah, I’m talkin’ about her. I’m also talkin’ about my niece who you babysat. My niece who lost her mother when she was thirteen, and looked up to you as her hero. Paxie fucking worshipped the ground you…”

  “Okay. You win.” Thornton lifted his hands in surrender. “It will never be mentioned again. Buds before broads, and bitches, and whatever the kids are saying. So, forget them. It’s you and me, Ash. Just like old times. Let’s grab a pitcher tonight at the Oleander Lounge.”

  “I can’t afford that place!” Asher said, wincing.

  “I can.” Thornton looked down at his Rolex and saw the new scar running along his forearm. He reached down to finger it gingerly. “Just one more thing before we stop talking about it altogether. You’d better be careful. Your niece has a hell of a temper on her, and she’s a lot more powerful than you think. So if she gets wind of what you did to Mara…”

  “She’s going to take out her anger at you on me?” Asher asked cheerfully.

  “Yeah. Sorry, man, but this isn’t a joke.”

  “I know what she’s capable of,” Asher said with a shrug. “But we’re family. She won’t do shit to me.”

  Thornton began rubbing his temples again. “This is so messed up. I need that beer now.” Reaching for his phone, he pressed his intercom. “Nina, cancel my meetings. I’m calling it a day.”

  “Yes, Mr. Kalgren.”

  Asher smiled down at the phone. Once his friend’s finger had lifted, he sent him a knowing look. “So now that you’re single, have you tapped Nina yet?”

  “I hadn’t thought of that,” Thornton admitted. “Good idea. What are secretaries for?”

  * * *

  Pax concentrated on a silver handle to slowly mix a spoonful of honey into chamomile citrus tea. The scent that wafted up from the ceramic mug was divine. She somehow recalled that it was Amara’s favorite. Cupping the mug with both hands, she sighed and tried to calm her insides. How could she console the youngest Kalgren sibling when her own emotions were scattered and unfocused? She made her way from the kitchen into the living room, holding her freshly-boiled panacea.

  Amara was curled up in a corner of the sofa. She was still hunched over, her posture just as Pax had found her in the shower. Pax had pulled a bathrobe around her friend’s naked body and all but carried her down to the sofa. Amara had remained somewhat oblivious as Pax spoke to her and covered her with a blanket. Sometimes she spoke to Pax, but most of the time she buried inside of her own mind. Pax knew she needed to drag her out.

  “Okay, Amara. I need you to get yourself together,” Pax insisted. Receiving no response, she tried again. “Mara? I want you to be angry at him.”

  The blonde woman didn’t respond. Pax sent the thought at her, with a wave of her own anger. Mara! You need to be pissed at him.

  Amara looked up then, her eyes meeting Pax with confusion. “No.”

  “Why the hell not?” Pax asked with a frown. “You are above taking crap from anyone. Your dad is a demigod. The King of Devas. You’re a Kalgren. One of the most respected, powerful, and beloved families in…”

  “Only because of magick.”

  “And technology. Your mother is a genius. Your family has always used their power for good…”

  “So has yours.”

  “Not in the same way.” While Pax had great pride in her ancestors, she was happy to belittle them for the sake of her friend. “My grandfather might have died fighting the Asura, but my mother destroyed herself by using magick she couldn’t control. My dad ran away to the mountains because he couldn’t handle the pressures of modern city life. We’re not blessed like you Kalgrens. Asher is weak and stupid—all the power of a deva and he couldn’t even graduate from college! How can you let inferior scum treat you badly? He’s not even worth your pain.”

  “I love him.”

>   “He used you. He strung you along like a puppet for years. If your dad knew…”

  “No,” Amara whispered. “Don’t tell daddy.”

  “Fine. But you have to say you hate Ash or else I won’t give you this steaming hot delicious tea.” Pax circled the cup under her friend’s nose. Injured or not, there was no way her delicate nostrils could avoid this point-blank tease.

  Amara cracked a small smile, taking the cup with her hands through the blanket, “Okay. I hate him.”

  She sipped on the tea. Pax silently said a prayer of thanks for that little smile.

  I think I do kind of hate him, Amara spoke telepathically as she sipped her tea. The blonde woman stared at her reflection in the amber liquid. I thought things were fine. Better than fine. I thought we were going to get married. I had my dress picked out and everything. My favorite designer was working on the design for me. I wanted to have his babies—Ash was so good with kids and he would have made a great dad. Tears began to gather in Amara’s eyes. Do you know how badly I want babies, Paxie?

  Pax stood up rather suddenly and took a deep breath. “Excuse me,” she said apologetically. She ran over to Amara's sliding glass doors. Unlocking the latch carefully with her trembling hands, Pax exited onto the exquisite patio overlooking the ocean. She walked briskly across the patio and down the stairs, almost bolting to the edge of the cliff. She concentrated in order to levitate her body a few meters into the air before guiding herself forward off the cliff and out over the water.

  She stared down at the dark waves crashing on the rocks far below, her chest heaving with deep breaths. Pax involuntarily arched her back, bringing her hands to her sides. Opening her mouth, a murderous scream ripped forth from her chest, causing a physical manifestation of her rage to escape her body. A huge beam of blazing red prana escaped with her scream, traveling forth into the night sky where it exploded like celebratory fireworks. Pax panted, watching the reflection of the explosion in the dark water below. She did not even understand this new power.

  Pax, come back here! That looks dangerous. Please…

  Hearing Amara’s worried thoughts in her mind, she obediently turned around and levitated back to the cliff. Once there was ground beneath her feet, she stopped concentrating and allowed herself to fall to her knees in the grass. She balled her hands up into fists and pounded the ground as she felt her energy suddenly depleted. When was the last time she had slept? It felt like she had been driving nonstop for days. There was a ringing in her ears from the echo of her own scream, and her head ached.

  Pax saw a pair of bare feet in the grass before her, and she looked up to see that Amara had followed her outside. It seemed that her natural fireworks had startled the blonde woman out of her daze.

  “What was that?” Amara asked, holding the blanket around herself tightly. “Does it make you feel better?”

  “A little bit. No. Not really, I guess.” Pax sighed, pushing herself off the ground and wiping the grass stains off her already ruined jeans.

  “Why did you leave my brother?”

  Pax froze. “What?”

  “Sorry if it’s rude to bring it up. I could just see that you were upset and I don’t know why,” Amara said softly. “I have been so selfish, focusing on my own problems when you’re unhappy too.”

  “What have you heard?” Pax asked slowly.

  “Not much. Ash wouldn’t say anything.” Amara shrugged, wiping a few blonde strands out of her eyes. “Thorn has been acting really weird since you left. Blowing loads of cash. Clubbing and partying every night like he’s nineteen instead of thirty-nine. What gives?”

  “Mara. Your brother cheated on me.”

  Amara’s eyes widened. “No! Are you sure?”

  Pax decided to sit back down in the grass abruptly. She stretched her arms backward and rolled her head from side to side to crack her neck. “Yeah. I went to his office to surprise him with lunch. Fried rice and pork chops. I found him…” Pax swallowed and began laughing a little bit hysterically. She could not think about this too much. She spit out the rest of the words very quickly. “He was on top of a woman who was lying on his desk. A redhead in a pinstriped business suit. Her skirt was bunched up around her hips. He was… enjoying himself.”

  Amara had dropped her blanket as both of her hands raised to her lips. “Thorn? Thorn did that?”

  “Yeah. I tried to turn around and walk away. I tried to focus on how good the pork chops smelled, and on the pleasant thought that I wouldn’t have to share them. But before I could step out of that room… I blacked out.”

  “Oh, no, Paxie…”

  “I don’t even know what I did. When I came to, your dad and Uncle Ash were physically restraining me. My whole body was glowing and I didn’t feel human. I’ve never totally lost control like that. My first thought was horror that I might have killed him. It doesn’t matter what he did to me, but I could never live with myself if I killed the man I love. That moment of not knowing what I’d done, not knowing whether he was dead or alive—it was possibly more awful than the moment I saw him with that woman.” Pax smiled and shrugged, trying to play it off as nothing. “Possibly.”

  Amara had been rendered speechless. She shook her head from side to side in disbelief.

  “But everything was fine. Thorn was mostly fine. I apologized to your dad for whatever I did to his son, and I got in my Jeep and started driving.”

  “Where did you go?” Amara asked.

  “I don’t know. I pretty much drove in circles all over the continent.”

  “Paxie! What about your job at the hospital? Why didn’t you call me?”

  “Why would I call you?” Pax asked venomously. “He’s your own flesh and blood—he can do no wrong in your eyes.”

  “That’s not true,” Amara whispered. She knelt beside Pax in the grass and began to sniffle. “I didn’t know. It’s so unfair. I’m so sorry.” Tears began to spill down her cheeks again. “Look at us both! What a mess. Ash was the only man who ever loved me for me. Everyone else was after my family’s money. The Kalgren heiress, what a great catch! I really thought… oh, god!”

  “Well, crying isn’t going to solve anything,” Pax said in disgust.

  “And neither is violence!” Amara shot back, between sobs.

  “I know,” Pax said, “but it’s all I have.”

  The two women sat in silence for several minutes. Pax idly ripped at the grass.

  You know what I wish? Amara asked telepathically as she wiped the wetness from her lashes. I wish I could somehow make Ash feel exactly the way I feel right now. He didn’t hurt me physically—I want to hurt him inside.

  That thought clicked somewhere in Pax's mind, and she frowned as she studied the blonde woman. Keep talking, she encouraged.

  Amara’s blue eyes drifted over to lock with Pax’s chocolate irises. I want him to suffer just like I am right now. Maybe he never loved me, but I pray to Sakra, Lord of the Devas, and all the gods and demigods who live and ever lived that Asher should fall deeply in love with someone, his soulmate. I wish it could be me—I wish he could somehow fall back in love with me, except this time I wouldn’t be good to him. I would rip his heart out in the worst imaginable way, just so he can feel the way I feel right now!

  “Do you really want that?” Pax demanded out loud.

  Yes. But it’s impossible.

  A slow smile spread over Pax’s features as she rose to her feet. “It’s not. What are you willing to sacrifice for this?”

  “Anything. Anything at all.”

  “What about everything?” Pax pressed.

  “Yes. That too,” Amara said with quiet determination.

  “Fine. I have a plan,” Pax said, putting her hands on her hips. “Do you still have my books?”

  “Um.” Amara searched her memory, trying to think of the last time Pax had given her a book. They had surely been children. “The bestsellers?”

  “No. The Babylonian texts.”

  Amara’s eyes widened
. “Don’t you remember? We locked those up in a safe in the attic and vowed never to touch those vile things again.”

  “I believe it’s time to dig them out.”

  “You can’t. You can’t practice magick, not after what happened to your mother…”

  Pax crossed her arms and glared down at the blonde girl. “Tell me something: why did you call me, Mara? Why didn’t you call one of your fancy socialite friends?”

  “Paxie… I know we haven’t hung out in a while. I’m sorry for that.”

  “Honestly, now. Did you call me here because Ash is my uncle, or because you wanted me?”

  “If I needed fashion advice I would have called the socialites,” Amara said, obviously hurt. “But I felt like I was drowning and I needed someone to save my life. Forgive me, but you’re the first person who came to mind.”

  Pax tried to ignore the flattery. “And why do you think I came to mind? Because I was your childhood friend way back before we both developed breasts? Or because I have power, and unlike you, I know how to use mine?”

  Amara was quiet for a moment. “Maybe it’s a bit of both. Or maybe it’s because whether you’re dating my brother or not, I’ve always considered you my sister.”

  “Very touching, Mara.” Pax levitated a few inches off the ground. “Well, if you really want to hurt my uncle, I can help you. You know you couldn’t manage it on your own. You haven’t got the experience or the strength.”

  “Would you really do that for me?” Amara asked, looking up at the dark-haired woman pleadingly.